Scared As Hell

so i have come to the sad realization that i am almost like a real adult. only a few years away from living on my own having to work at a real job doing real adult things. that scares the shit out of me to be quite honest as im sure it does almost anyone who takes a step back and thinks about it. what started this thought process you ask? well being that my girlfriends is a senior and soon to be teacher, i am left to wonder what next? things are going to change drasticly no matter how much anyone says they wont. ill still be in school, only a junior and shell be making real money trying to support herself. no matter what happens between us i do not want to be a deciding fator in what she does. its her life and its moving along for her i dont want to be that person who slows it down. then i got horrible news about a friends dad dying. i felt horrible and then i thought about it... he is only one year ahead of me, that really could be me in his shoes. when my friends dad died in high schol it was like no way that could never happen, but now im begining to realize that reality is a bitch and it waits for no one. when your parents are gone, its you. its you who has to pay all the bills. its you who has to worry about taxes. its you who has to worry about every little thing that goes on in your life. you have no one there to be like dont worry well take care of it.

i really got freaked out when my best friend from high school, courtney, came over out of the blue tonight. we talked about how in highschool we would freak out about college being around the corner in our sophmore and junior year, and now were talking about living on our own and getting jobs. we also brought up that if his was two years form now and we were still going out with our girlfriend/boyfriend that basically we would almost be expected to be marrying that person. that means like hardcore adult stuff... like having kids. hell im a big kid who can hardly take care of yself let alone another completely dependent person. before you start.... yes i know i have years before this all happens and i should cherish what i have now and not worry too much about the future, but really like it is right around the corner. im basically an adult now and im not too sure how i feel about it i mean im still only 19 but then im 20 and yea..... so here you go im back at home looking for relaxation and instead i get smacked in the face with a reality check... oh well.

Later Dayz