Thanks Pam

so i thought i was fine when i left school. i figured "ok i can be a sophmore now." i got thorugh all the hard times this year, not exactly with grace, but i got through it. from school work to lacrosse to the masque, inductions, kiss the wall, and finally watchin gwen walk at graduation, it all has made such an impression on me. the people ive met this year have changed my life and i will never forget them for that. now im home, nowhere near any of these amazing people, and i begin to wonder...... if i made the impression on these people like they said i did, who is to say that someone else cant and wont do it better than me next year. and all this is thanks to pam after readin her blog. as much as i love u pam, i can hate u sooo much for getttin dumb ideas like this in my mind. i mean we all know she has nothing to worry about shes great on stage and is just has this presence in whatever she does, whether she admits it or not is a different story. now dont think this is a whole pity post im just writing things out to see if it will slap me in the face and say im being dumb. really though pam does acting and shes great at it and kate well she does such an amazing job at tech but im just there i mean sure i do tech but nothin to the extent of tech and i dont act. all i have going for me is being the funny kid or giving massages or being the drunk who does upside down pushups. im fine with that being me but unlike pam or kate its nothing that cant be imitated or improved on and i guess i just worry that as much as people say im liked now, its easy to be looked over when you cant back it up with stellar acting skills or crazy experience and talent in tech affairs. idk i just love where i am right now and ive never been one to like change but ive alwasy been willing to deal with it when need be. i guess ive never been so happy with how things r that i would do anything to keep things the same. i also get the fact that the sophmores/juniors however you want to refer to them as went through it and sara has been so great in trying to convince me that although it is a change it wont be too bad. im a jealous person by nature i love being the center of attention even if i act like i dont. i know ill get over it well i hope i do and i really am lookin forward to the new frosh. i hope there is someone who reminds me of myself too, because i have been changed for the better because of the masque and i wish everyone could go through that change. idk so many mixed emotions about next year and ive been rambling for a long time now about nothing. no matter what happens next year ill still be part of the masque which is all that really matters i joined cuz i wanted to feel like a real part of the masque family and i have that now so i shouldnt complain.

Later Dayz